Monday, August 1, 2011

In The Beginning.... Or, The Honeymooners

When I was a kid, I had a standing date every Saturday night to watch re-runs of the Honeymooners with my mom.  The show, which aired in the early 1950's, was a favorite of ours and throughout the week, my mom and I would say "to the moon!" to each other and get a big laugh out of it.  I get that the Honeymooners is problematic by today's standards (threatening to punch one's wife to the moon is NOT okay), but it's a great memory I have of my mom and that's what stands out in my mind. 

The Honeymooners, Alice and Ralph Kramden

I like the term honeymoon (it sounds even better in Spanish - luna de miel) because it sounds exactly like what it is: sweet, bright, shiny, and full.  Honeymoon is most commonly associated with newlyweds, but it's also a phase of relationship that is just beginning.  Everything is new and there is an amazing feeling that lives somewhere between my stomach and my rib cage.  I develop a bad case of the reallymetoos* and every time the phone rings, I get that fluttery, giddy feeling. 

A. and I are in our Honeymoon phase.  We are still getting to know each other, figuring each other out, and I still get that giddy feeling when the phone rings.  Every experience is a first for us; we're meeting each others' friends and family, and we're learning what makes the other tick. We're also finding things out about each other - A. doesn't eat sushi, he's a great salsa dancer, he likes funk music and he makes killer guacamole.  A. knows that I don't salsa dance very well, I love sushi, I loathe commercial rap music and I tend to get stressed out when I have a lot on my plate.  He, on the other hand, is so laid back and chill that I have to check for a pulse.  We don't see each other everyday (mostly weekends) so when we do see each other, we make the most of our time together.

A. accompanies me to important events, parties, concerts and poetry readings.  We also spend time alone going to parks, dinner, watching movies and just hanging out.  He makes me laugh all the time and though he sometimes leaves dumb messages on my voice mail, can't tell a story and says silly things when he gets nervous, I wouldn't trade him for the world.  We value what we have in each other.   He knows how busy I am and how many activities I'm involved in, and while he doesn't get in my way, he's also right there when I need him to be.  In turn, I try and make sure that we get to have time by ourselves and when we are, all of my attention is focused on him. 

I had forgotten how much I like the honeymoon period.  When I was dating AstroBoy, we didn't have a honeymoon period; we immediately traveled the awkward path toward breaking up.  Randy and I had a brief honeymoon but I never quite let my guard down enough to enjoy it, and Freddy and I tried to have a honeymoon but it was hard to do so when living two states away from each other.  A. and I have been having an amazing honeymoon phase.  Unfortunately, at some point, the honeymoon has to end.  I always used to dread this because it meant the fun, easy part is over.  In the past, I would long for those early days and be completely dissatisfied with where the relationship had gone. 

Reason #4529 why the Strike was so effective - it taught me a lot about what I don't want in a relationship, but I also got to learn what I do want and a large part of what I want is stability.  While the honeymoon is great, the point of it should be to create stability.  Jumping in too fast and making rash decisions based on a rush of emotion and hormones hasn't worked for me in the past.  The honeymoon is the period in which A. and I are growing together and he's amazing, but I still find myself struggling everyday.  I find myself slipping into old patterns and behaviors - all rooted in insecurity and fear - and I have to fight my way through them to get back to the good part, the part of myself that has grown and feels healthy and sane.  The good thing is that I get there, and I'm enjoying myself immensely. 

Reruns of The Honeymooners no longer come out on TV and my mom and I don't have our standing date anymore.  We watch other shows together once in a while.  Maybe I'll invite A. to join us sometime.  She thinks he's a doll...

Next time: The Fall Back Plan

*The reallymetoos is a condition that is developed when one likes or is dating someone new.  When a person says their likes, such as "I like football" the common response is "Really?  Me too!"


  1. There is no reason why the honeymoon period cannot last indefinitely. All you have to do is keep finding something new and not get into a predictable routine. You must have to, like Bob did in "Newhart" (that's another old TV show for you), schedule spontaneity. Else, it is like a pair of old shoes, no longer fresh-smelling and exciting but comfortable and in need of a shine. I know, it is not easy and must admit that I failed at that. But if I knew then what I know now, otro gallo cantaría.