We live in a society of voyeurs. We love reality television, gossip magazines and websites that give us the goods on celebrities lives - particularly their love lives. We also do this within our own social circles. I'll be the first to admit that I am a nosy person - I love getting the juicy details of my friends love lives. Anytime someone goes on a date or hangs out with someone new, the inevitable question is always: so, did you hook up?
For the purposes of this blog, hooking up is defined as having some sort of sexual physical contact with someone... and the more contact, the better.
I like to ask because it makes for a good story, it interrupts the monotony of the day to day and let's face it, I'm a voyeur - and so are you. Admit it, anytime someone changes their relationship status on Facebook (especially to "single") we are immediately curious. I mean, come on, you're reading this blog, and I'm more than happy to share the details of my crazy dating life (well, most of them). We love a good story.
Last week I went on my second trip to San Francisco for my friend DG's wedding, which I officiated. The wedding was beautiful, happy and the newlyweds are well on their way to a life filled with joy. I had a wonderful time and I am very happy for DG and his wife - they are a good example of two people who had to weed through a lot of crazy in order to find each other.
I was so happy to be back in San Francisco. The city makes me feel alive. Granted, it was partly a vacation high but there was also a feeling of freedom that I don't think I've ever felt, especially when I am away from home. I'm kind of a chicken (more about that next week) and I'm usually not very big on going out on my own. During both trips, I have had very little reservation about venturing out and seeing all that the Bay Area has to offer. The very second the airplane touched down, my level of happy increased. I just wanted to give the city a big hug. While that sounds crazy, anyone who is from there or has visited knew exactly how I felt.
|See how happy I am?|
I stayed with my friend MT (not to be confused with my friend M) at his flat in North Beach. MT and I met at the writing workshop and poetry reading during my first trip to the Bay. MT offered me a place to stay and he turned out to be an amazing host. He took me to the overlook at the Twin Peaks, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Palace of the Fine Arts (which was also the wedding site), Golden Boy Pizza, City Lights Books, the Mission, etc. He also gave up his room (and slept on the couch) so that I would be comfortable. When we arrived at his flat, I found a folded towel, map of the city and soap piled on a chair; a Nestle Crunch bar on the pillow ("I didn't have mints," he explained) and my very own mix CD. On my last day, I walked out of the bedroom to find a gift - my very first San Francisco Giants t-shirt and a very thoughtful card. I had an amazing trip, and a big part of that reason was MT's generous spirit.
So, did we hook up?
No, we didn't.
Did we connect? Yes. Did I love being around him? Yes. Is he a good looking man? Hell yes. Did I want to have a fling in San Francisco only to come home and still be single? No, I didn't.
MT is a good man. I felt completely open around him and I connected with him on a level that went leaps and bounds beyond "hooking up." I've hooked up plenty of times, and I always left the situation feeling empty and flat. Sure, I had a story to tell (sometimes a great story, sometimes a so-so story) but what good was a story when I didn't have any substance? This time, I gained a person in my life who has an incredible insight to life and made me laugh non-stop. I'm not involved in an inter-state love affair (I tried that with Freddy, remember?) but I now have someone in my life who helped me see how much I've really grown in the last nine months.
While on strike, I have spent a lot of time getting over some pretty painful relationships. Part of that was figuring out what I don't want from a partner. Then I moved into a good space of realizing that I'm not ready to commit to anyone and I've enjoyed spending a lot of time exploring that space. Now I'm moving into a space where I know what I want, and relationships don't feel so scary anymore. I don't panic the way I used to when I think about being with someone. While I still have issues around commitment, they are issues I'm willing to work on (as opposed to running from them or worse, indulging them in not-so-healthy-ways).
At some point I'm going to be in a relationship and this blog will change, my Facebook status will change and I'm sure the questions will pop up: "who are you with?" "how did you meet?" and "when did you hook up?" I hope someone will ask "are you happy?" and I will answer with a resounding "yes." The only way I'll ever be in a relationship ever again is if I'm happy, and I'll be sure to let EVERYONE know that I am.
Next time: Oh, So That's What I'm Afraid Of...