Monday, February 28, 2011

The One... Or, Santa Claus...the Easter Bunny...Soul Mates

Some people go to bars to meet men.  Others go to church.  I go to Walgreens Drug Store.  In the past two years, I have met four men at Walgreens (including the one I just met 15 minutes ago).  Obviously, it didn't work out with the other three, but maybe, just maybe, this one is going to be my soul mate, my true love, my media-naranja (the other half of my orange).  Maybe he's going to be, dare I say it, the One.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and he asked me if I've found the One.  Without skipping a beat I said "yes, I did - her name is Andrea."  My answer made him laugh but it caught me off guard - I didn't expect to answer that way.  I have never felt as peaceful about being single as I do lately.  I have to give some of the credit to this blog (and its readers).  Writing has helped me work out my thoughts and sharing them has been pretty therapeutic, plus it has also given me a new perspective on being single.

When I referred to myself as the One, it felt pretty good, like I've made peace with the part of me that has lamented and hated being single.  I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, waiting to feel confident and happy to have me.  Once I felt this inner calm, my next thought was "okay, I'm ready, bring him on!" 

Maybe I'm not as peaceful as I thought I was. 

Everyone - my friends, family, co-workers, postman, woman at the bus stop, parking attendant, my three year old niece, guy at the gas station and pen pal have all said it: when I least expect it, I'll meet the One.  I really do believe this, and I also believe that until I work out the variety of issues I have, I won't be ready to be in a relationship.  I know these things, but I also get really impatient and lonely.  Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel and call up a former fling and "hang out." 

I might want to give up, but I also made a promise to myself - that the next time I get involved with someone, it is going to be on good terms.  I've been "on strike" for over five months now, why throw it all away just because I get a little lonely?  My person and I are working our way toward each other - my soul mate is out there.  I used to joke that my soul mate died in a plane crash.  Maybe somewhere deep down I felt it was true - and that's why I used to settle for relationships that weren't good for me.  I figured I wasn't going to meet the One, so why try?  Thankfully, I've learned (albeit the hard way) that I would rather be single than put up with some of the crap I've put up with in the past, or some of the crap that guys have tried to pull with me lately, and maybe I don't need to try - I just need to relax, learn to really be at peace with myself and be content with Andrea, especially because she's a pretty cool chick.

My coworkers and I once spent an entire staff meeting arguing about whether or not soul mates are real.  Sometimes they feel as elusive as other mythical beings - something nice to believe but don't really exist.  I believe they do, and while by definition soul mates are twin souls or the other half of ourselves, I also believe we encounter various people who connect with the different parts of who we are.  I believe that I meet every person for a reason, and I'm supposed to learn from each one, even when the lessons are hard.

When my friend M. met her fiancé, she said it felt like her soul said "oh, there you are."  That's what I imagine meeting my partner will feel like - I'll just know it's right.  In the last three years I have gone on a ton of first dates, but I also dated three men (at different times), and each of them almost felt like the One, but there was always something missing, and even though I ignored my uh-oh feeling for a while, eventually, I knew it was time to let go and move on.

My niece D. (not the three year old) always reminds me that when I meet the right person, things will just work out, and nothing can deter that relationship from happening.  Nothing can get in the way, nothing can scare the other person off.  For a very long time, I have had this idea that I scare men away - I'm too intense or I'm too demanding or I ask too many questions.  When I thought that was the problem, I tried the other direction - I was passive, didn't speak up too much, didn't voice any wants or desires.  That didn't work either, because I'm still single anyway.  I realized that just being myself is all I can be, no matter how uncomfortable it makes other people.  A guy actually told me I'm too smart to be with because he felt like he couldn't get away with anything.  Thankfully, I am smart and moved on from him before things got really ugly.

I'm not sure how things will play out with the latest Walgreens Guy, but I will be sure to keep you posted.  Either way, I'm positive things will go well with the other One - her name is Andrea, and I'm lucky to have her. 

Next time: The Benefits of Being Single


  1. Bravo! This is a fantastic post! For all the right reasons!

  2. Oh. Man. Watch out. I've met guys at grocery stores. This sounds like me. I hope it works out better for you than it did for me.

  3. UPDATE: Yeah, Walgreens guy has been put on the DO NOT ANSWER LIST. hahahaha, and so it goes...

  4. I wish I was as smart as you about men. But I'm learning. I always fall for the bad boys with sob stories.

  5. I go to Trader Joe's (wait, that's my "crush" place)...Still working on the meeting place (local used bookstore is now out...). :/

  6. haha, aok - I have a crush at Trader Joe's as well!